Adoption

Some have wondered how we came to the decision to grow our family through adoption. We have been reminded of possible risks this could include, and have been asked numerous times if we aren't worried that we will be able to love an adopted child the same as a bio child.

So I'm going to try to explain how we came to the united decision that "YES! Adoption is for us!". I must add, this really is God's story, not ours. We are only moving as He guides.

Looking back over the past several years, I see now how God was drawing our hearts before we even knew it. I have always thought adoption was a wonderful thing and hoped that maybe someday our family could be a part of it. I couldn't imagine how...it seemed like something "other" families did, and besides, my husband always said that while he thought it was a good thing, he didn't feel "called" to it. I knew I would never push to pursue something that we didn't feel united in. I told God it was His department to move Steve's heart if it was something He wanted for us.

In January 2009, Our third child, Jadrian was born. Never had I imagined myself being the mother of a special needs child. I mean, seriously, I felt awkward around special needs. I wasn't sure how to relate to them. I felt sympathy for their families. How disappointing it must be to not have a healthy "normal" child.

Suddenly, that family was us!Only it didn't feel awkward. Jadrian was our treasured son, and we embraced him just the way he was. We gladly learned medical care and training we had been oblivious to before. It broke our hearts to see him fragile and struggling to do just the basic things that come so naturally for a healthy child. It awoke in us a fierce protection to do everything in our power to give our son every opportunity to life, health and happiness. We were his advocates. He was not less because he was weak. He had untold value. His life was a gift. He was not a bother, or a failure because he couldn't talk, crawl or sit alone. Caring for Jadrian revealed to me my own skewed misconceptions. Society around us measures "success" by how much, and how well a person can do things. How awesomely they achieve milestones in life. Now success looked so different. Success was when Jadrian could hold his head by himself at 1 yr old. 

I remember a few times feeling eyes of pity on me when people would observe Jadrians significant delays and poor health. Most times it was compassion but sometimes it was the "you poor thing needing to give your energy to a child that cant give anything back." I always thought, "If only they knew who he really was!" Inside that frail body with a broken heart was a beautiful soul. A person fearfully and wonderfully made by His creator. A person with destiny, a hope and a future! As much as we desired health for him, our love was not conditional on his performance. His life had value whether that was running and playing on strong legs or confined to a wheel chair. God used our son to show us that every life has potential...again, not as the world defines potential, but how God sees potential. Each person becoming ALL God intended them to be, no matter whether that's a lot, and they go on to do great things, or whether that's simply learning to self feed.

It was during our journey with Jadrian that we became aware, through the blogging of a dear friend of mine at theblessingofverity, of the heinous treatment special needs kids were receiving in some Eastern European countries, and how their family was taking radical steps to rescue one of these broken unwanted orphans. We were so touched by their story. I had never seen a picture of such a neglected, malnourished child. Katie was 9 yrs old but the size of a skeletal 9-12 mo old. This was not because she had down syndrome & other special needs. It was purely because of neglect. Because no one thought her life had any value. We followed their story every step of the way. It stirred compassion, but it also made us feel very uncomfortable. Why? Because when we were painfully honest with ourselves we had to admit that we could not do what the Musser family was doing. I mean, we were open to adoption, but we pictured some sweet cherub that would make everyone go "Awe!" when they see him. Not a child that was so broken and scarred by neglect that it made a person wince to look at them. Are you seeing something really wrong here with our attitude? Us too! And it didn't feel good to be honest about our lack of true love. We thought we knew how to love, but God was asking us if we could love at a deeper level, love the unlovely. Love even when we may get no love in return. It was humiliating to realize our own hardness. We both asked God to break our hearts with what breaks His. We told Him we want to learn to love like he does, even if that took us way out of our comfort zone. God is always faithful when we ask Him, and He did start stretching our hearts in ways that they had not been stretched before.

As I rocked Jadrian, many times my mind wandered to the plight of the orphans. I imagined if that was my sweet Jadrian trapped in a metal prison of a crib, lying in his own waste, fighting for his life in a cold friendless environment. My heart wept. I held him tighter. Every child deserves the same love and care Jadrian was thriving under. My heart longed to rescue them all, to some how make a difference. I felt helpless. There was nothing we could do except pray. We knew at that point adoption was not an option because of the full time care Jadrian required. But our love for him had opened up our hearts to the world of "special needs" and all orphans, and somehow we knew we would never be the same.

Another significant tool God used to change our hearts was a free book that arrived in our mail by K.P Yohannan called "No Longer A Slumdog" That book so wrecked our hearts. I remember it clearly. It was a Sunday and Steve & I were reading the book together. We felt such conviction growing in our hearts as we read chapter after chapter. It was one of those moments when the Holy Spirit reveals a truth to you and at that moment you know you are responsible to either receive it or reject it. Sometimes we squirm and try to reason our way out of it. (There are a lot of excuses that come up that seem quite logical at that moment.) There was one such question in that book that made us squirm in our hearts. It described this true scenario of a poor dirty little beggar girl on the crowded streets of India. SO when we see a picture of that broken, neglected and unwanted child. That child that has no physical beauty. What do we think? Is their life as valuable as my Karilee or________ (insert the name of your dear child). We know what the proper answer is SUPPOSED to be. We like to say that we love each person as Jesus does. But do we really? If that was my 8 yr old Karilee out dirty and ragged on the streets of India....Oh! How we would do ANYTHING to rush to her. To protect her. To Hold her tight. We cant imagine our daughter begging on the streets with Kianna on her hip trying to earn a few pennies for a bite to eat. Its too painful to think about. Yet reality is this IS the LIFE for millions. When its someone we have no emotional attachment too we so easily look the other way. We knew we did not have the same feeling for that unknown child as we would if it had been our beautiful Karilee. And it was at that moment we knew we had a choice, either brush it off, try to forget about it and hope that someone else would assume the burden, or repent of our own uncaring hearts.

The presence of God was so strong in the room as we acknowledged to God that we really don't know how to love and care for the orphans as He does. But from the bottom of our hearts we told Him we want that to change. We want HIS heart. His kind of supernatural love to love the least of these. Ah!!! The peace that followed! Sweet peace that always comes when we surrender to Jesus and follow HIM with wild abandon!

It was then that my husband,( the one who never rushes into things quickly...the one who thought he "wasn't called") looked at me with a big smile and said, "well honey, what are we waiting for.?! Lets adopt!"
I think my eyes may have bulged! I was so shocked! I said, "Are you serious? You're not just saying that because you know I want to?" "No honey.....Its God, not you that changed me." Wow. (I.am.so.proud.of.this.man!!) I was so touched to witness the unconditional love of Jesus expand in the heart of my husband. He said his heart had been opening to the idea for awhile but being a man who likes to think through everything and have all his "ducks in a row" before making a commitment, the financial aspect of an adoption had really held him back, because seriously, that part of it is rather staggering and we had no idea how God would provide the funds but we felt strongly that God would fund what He favors.

As we continued talking we started laughing in excitement. What had felt grey before was so clear to us now. God says, "Care for the orphans..." We always assumed that was for someone else. Maybe a "special" family with a "special" calling. But now God was saying to us, "MY heart hasn't changed. You don't need an audible voice from heaven saying "ADOPT" to follow my command." Caring for the orphan is not an option. It's a command as clear as loving our enemies. However, "caring for the orphan" will look different to every person. There are many ways to support and care for them. For us, it means adoption. We are so blessed. We have a big home to share and acres of land for children to run on. But more than anything we have a lot of love! Just as we have been adopted by our Heavenly Father and showered with His unconditional love...not because of anything we have done. Not because we were desirable But because HE loved us. He CHOSE us! It is out of the abundance of love that we have been given that we have love to give. Because we have been CHOSEN, we CHOOSE to love. It's so powerful!!

The very next morning Steve contacted our adoption agency and the ball started rolling...

Do we face fears? YES! Will it be easy? Probably not.

But we know the one who called us! And He says, "Do not be afraid!....though you will march out to face them, you will not fight to gain victory. Only maintain your position and you will see the power of God!"