Paper Pregnancy!

The adoption process has often been likened to that of a natural pregnancy. Being in the midst of the process ourselves, I would have to agree it does have a lot of similarities.
In my first trimester of pregnancy I am always plagued with horrible morning sickness. As in intense nausea  and puking 24/7 for four LONG wear dreary months that feel like sheer survival. I must say that it's delightful to skip over that dreaded part of a normal pregnancy  in a "paper pregnancy". It has non the less felt overwhelming at times. The amount of paperwork looked so huge, my feelings still felt so new to the idea, trying to grasp that we really, truly ARE "birthing" a new child into our family. I could feel a little seed of love growing in my heart for this new child. Awe and excitement that God would choose to bless our family with a new life to love.

Now I feel like I must be somewhere in the middle trimester... the once huge stacks of paperwork is now an almost completed checked off list. I feel a huge sense of relief  that that first stage is almost over. Last week  Steve made a trip to Albany for a rally, he knew he would be right by the secretary of state's office so he was able to hand deliver 8 documents to get apostilled. Our first documents to get that far! Now those are ready for the Chinese Consulate in New York City. It keeps feeling more real!!

That little seed of love continues to swell inside my heart. Enlarging.......Expanding......

I find myself dreaming about the birth, I mean "Gotcha day". What will that moment be like? What will he look like? What will he weigh? I feel the same expectancy as I  always feel as I approach my due date with my birth children. That excitement of seeing the person I carried for 9 months and travailed for. Those first sacred moments when your swelling heart bursts in gratitude as you behold the beautiful treasure God Had been knitting together...fearfully and wonderfully. Marveling over their sweet smell, silky soft skin and tiny toes.
At that moment, my heart feels content, so expanded with love. I don’t have to try to love, because love was already their the moment I knew that little seed was conceived.

It’s that same motherly love I feel growing in my heart  for our precious China son. When we lay eyes on him for the first time, whether it be his photo or his real face in person, I know I will feel that same kind of swelling love, “That you, precious child, is who we were praying and working so hard for. You are the one God destined to be part of our forever family.”

 I expect the waiting for a referral and  the waiting to fly to China stage to feel so like the last final weeks of pregnancy when time seems to slow down, and patience is hard to come by.

I don’t know if its nesting, I like to think of it as God preparing me. But I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking ahead to things like next terms school year. While this term isn’t even finished yet! What curriculum am I going to use? What will each of Karilee & Derek’s specific needs be and how can I prepare to best meet them. Having it in the back of my mind that we could be flying to China this fall, and  adding a child who will need a lot of one on one from me makes me want to really prepare myself now for when our schedules and lives will need to be flexible to accommodate the bumps that will come with integrating an internationally adopted child into the family, and to be able to focus on bonding / attaching with him.
I’ve also been focusing on  training Karilee & Derek to carry more responsibility with their chore charts. They do amazing and I cannot say enough how worth it  is to invest the time in training them to do chores, they are such a huge help!!! MY biggest challenge is overseeing the jobs consistently and making sure everything gets done correctly, and taking the time to re-do when it isn’t.

I’m SO blessed to see how God so tenderly guides my heart!! Often I look back and see how He prepared me in advance for a certain situation or time, and I have that same assurance about this adoption journey.

Thank You Jesus. I am so safe and secure with YOU!!